Mind Games
It is breathtaking and deranged how horrific our minds execute external situations to play out. We play these short stories in our heads that end so poorly on our end.
I have played stories in my head where a body part rips off, my teeth are yanked out, my head is cut off, buildings I am in explode, and if I'm being one hundred percent honest here, I have seen myself commit suicide. I have seen myself hold a gun to my head. Let’s not act like we haven’t played a scene out in our head where we end our life.
I do not see myself departing this world in that manner so please no one fret. It is humane to have these thoughts. It can get very dark, scary, and confusing but I also am strong enough to recognize that those thoughts aren't mine. I hope you can realize this too before it is too late.
I feel like what happened with Charlie also forces me to put myself in his shoes. I put myself in his shoes a lot trying to piece together a mystery that will never be solved. I deeply believe this happened to me so I could cultivate exponential growth with the help of love.
Without the help of love, no growth is really cultivated.
I wish I knew the timing of everything on the day he died. I wish I could read his mind for the remainder of that day. I wish I could understand what flipped within him to make himself do this. I also strongly believe that by the time the trigger was pulled, he was already gone — like way gone.
We always expect the worst in every situation. It is almost like we crave pain and the intention of harm. When I was younger, I loved to hurt others, verbally and physically. I once shoved my friend in the school hallway so hard she fell backward. To that same girl, I shoved her on the playground years prior and called her a boy for wearing basketball shorts. I love to wear basketball shorts now. Funny how that shit happens right?
Becoming aware of seeking comfort in pain and wanting others to feel bad for you only causes you to live a life within a vibration that is destined for disease, depression, and drugs.
Firstly, it is never as bad as you think it is going to be. More than half of the stuff we play in our minds will never go as so.
Secondly, when you notice those games your mind plays, call attention to your heart. Your heart is gentle, loving, and truthful. When I catch my mind running on these vicious games, I gently say to myself “hey mind, let's listen to the heart and realign.” AND BOOM, my mind actually shuts the fuck up.
Nonetheless, I have done a lot of internal work with my heart so, at this point, she is stronger than my mind. Any emotion that comes my way and does not belong to me, she lets me know. She is stronger than any emotion. Love is stronger than emotion. The heart is a powerful tool. Getting more in touch with yourself and your truth will turn up the volume on the heart and turn down the volume on the mind.
Thirdly, generational trauma. If you keep up the behavior that haunts you, your kids will also have that behavior. Have fun watching your children drip in anxiety and fear. Do not wait on the world to change for you. Change the world for yourself.
Cut that cycle off now. Live the life you deserve.
Lastly, don’t listen to your fears. They are not the truth. They are not your story. They are made up in your mind.
You are the captain of your soul. Start acting like it.
(If you can't do this for yourself, do it for Charlie. You know how happy he would have wanted you to be❤ )
Xoxo, Chelsey Grace Jacobs#W2W
