Searching for the one

I think as humans we obsess with the opportunity of being in a relationship. It is a valid excuse we use to feel loved and wanted. It is drilled into our minds and belief system that one day we will marry someone who will give us everything we need.

But we know that’s not the case.

We are able to watch parents and friends go through gnarly relationships. We always think something outside of us will make us feel better.

Once you understand that the only person in the world who can make you feel better is yourself, your world will change. I can one hundred percent recognize subconsciously that I seek for the “one” but pointing this out helps me dive into who the “one” actually is.

The one is me. Your one is you. I am the one I have been searching for. You are the one you have been searching for.

I am the only one who can truly make myself feel better. I am the only one who can give myself top notch advice to continue this movie.

There is always someone or something within who will respond to any comment I make.

It’s heartbreaking to watch people let their attracted sex determine how their day, night, or sleep goes. Watching people strive for a good night solely because they got with someone is a low level mentality.

You’re simply feeding the ego.

I see people walking around clubs yearning for the touch of another’s tongue.

It’s like society created this belief that is strong enough to think that if someone doesn’t want to get with you, there’s something wrong with you. Even when your kiss is satisfied, the fulfillment doesn’t feel that amazing. I’m sure some other anxiety will spring upon you and you’ll feel like shit pretty soon. We watch girls, and guys, rip themselves apart if their fulfillment isn’t fulfilled. It all comes back to how we are focusing so much on the physical aspect of us. It is all about how we look these days … who’s the hottest … who’s the slimmest … whatever.

How much does the external world suffocate your internal world?

This belief society has created to permit happiness is rooted straight from insecurities. When a belief is rooted from insecuity, you’re doomed.

You are consciously allowing a toxic habit to perpetuate where time and time again you prove to yourself “you aren’t good enough.”

You are the one who determines if you are good enough. No one else does. And by the way, you are always good enough.

At times, we are so focused on the “one” that we forget to check up on ourselves. We constantly make up scenarios in our heads with this other person and it feels so good. But sometimes, it gets upsetting because it is only in the mind.

Last semester, I met this boy. He was the first boy to make me feel something in my heart since Charlie. He is downright, in my eyes, one of the cutest boys I have seen. In the beginning of the school year last semester, he came out of nowhere and we just happened to be at this small get-together.

From the moment we started talking to the months after when he finally decided he wanted to kiss me, he was all I thought about. I would play these situations in my head that built this “relationship” up so much bigger than it actually was. He was such an incredible person but because I let my mind run off, I gave him a lot more credibility than his actual performance. But, let me get straight here, there’s nothing wrong with the way he performed. It was great. He gave me a ton of love and we were able to grow together in such a cool way. He was amazed at every word that came out of my mouth and I was amazed at his energy and outlook on the world. I don’t think he believes in himself as much as I do, but that kid is destined for greatness. He is a genius nonetheless.

When our relationship came to an end, I had many relaizations about the way I let my mind create this fantasy. It showed me how for the next relationship I should let the boy show me who he is, why he deserves to be in my life, and if we work together harmoniously. I don’t need to create something in my head that reality is not showing me.

Allowing someone to show you their true colors with the patience of times changes the entire equilibrium of the relationship. It’s always 50/50.

Instead of waiting for him to respond, go out and do what you usually do sis.

Xoxo, Chelsey Grace Jacobs #W2W

#CGJDictionary