Death isn't the end
Before I begin introducing my ideas and perspective on death, I must shed attention on how painful it is to lose somebody and miss the absence of their energy. Whether it’s a friend of a friend who you heard through the grapevine, a sibling, a lover, a family member, or even something remotely as feeling like a part of yourself has died — grief comes in all forms with no straight line and no conclusion. I can’t sit here and say “grief hurts” because it is so much more than that. There are truly no words to match what occurs within our psychological, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being while we thrust ourselves on the rollercoaster of grief.
I also stand by the fact that one has no clue, not even a percentage, of what grief feels like until you lose someone and are greeted with the ever-lasting vacation of a never-returning friend.
I remember I would hear about other people dying outside of my micro circle. Well, it is something we see on our screens and hear about every single day. During our COVID-19 lockdown, they kept a score count of how many people were dying, and we scared little beings were stuck at home watching the number slowly but surely climb. We are being freakily penetrated with so much fear that leaving our homes was out of the question. It’s like we are accustomed to hearing about death that it’s normal when someone says “oh, that person passed away.”
I would send my condolences but I would also move forward with ignorance because the pain of losing someone wasn't in my tool belt. Poet Thomas Gray stated that “ignorance is bliss” and he for sure is right. It’s not ignorance in a mean way but ignorance because we have never been through it. I could not even comprehend what it meant to lose somebody let alone experience a freak accident where no goodbyes were said.
As I sit here today, in lovely Florence feeling more connected to myself than ever, I believe death can shape us in two ways.
- You deeply believe that you are here to suffer in pain and everybody is out to get you. Bad things are always going to happen to you. You don’t get why they had to go. You hate the world and think it is such a bad place where bad things happen to good people. You want to die and be with them too. No matter the therapy or time, this world is malicious and there is no point in living. They are gone and are never coming back. There is no such thing as them sending you signs. There is no such thing as their presence still existing in some dimension. We are only here to reproduce. There is no point behind anything of this. It is easier to suffer in your pain and trauma than to heal (healing honestly isn’t even an option in your mind.) You believe the past will repeat itself so always staying fearful of the future is a norm. Everything is happening to you, not for you. You will never trust love again and you seek a synthetic pill to neutralize the biochemistry within your levels of emotions. You have no trust in yourself and everything outside of you must make you feel better but it doesn’t because that’s not a way of life that will ever fulfill you.
I say time and time again, that your thinking reflects your reality. If you are in that mindset, of course, all of those horrible incidences will occur. This is concrete proof of the way you are using your power against yourself.
2. Namaste. Welcome to the other side. Welcome to a new way of living. Welcome to believing the universe has your back. Welcome to coming to your terms of the beauty that pain holds. Congratulations on turning a very complex and horrific situation into something that was meant for you. You start to realize that you are alive, yet participating in a dream where you can create anything. The absence of your loved one propels you to be better, do better, and speak better because you want to make them proud. You want them to see what they are missing. You live your life a little bit more loudly because you also realize one day, you won’t be here either. You trust the signs they send you and feel a connection to the universe. You express yourself a little bit more freely because it doesn’t make sense not to. You journal so you can get certain thoughts out of your arena. You hold your friend’s hands tighter and longer. You look people in the eyes more. You are kinder to strangers. You have a desire to befriend yourself and get to know the person you were avoiding your entire life. For a very particular reason, when I was standing in the car with the body of my boyfriend, a strong thought that kept coming through to me was “Everything happens for a reason.” I have no clue, legit no clue, why that was the only thought running through my head but that was the root of my healing process. A part of me will never understand how I am pulling myself through this but when I come back to the truth of my journey here, without that happening to me, I would not know myself like I know myself now, found passions that set my soul on fire, and have an angel on the other side holding my hand 24/7.
To be able to be in so much pain is a beautiful thing because if you can experience that much pain, understand that that much beauty is on the way to greet you. Just like the law of polarity, everything in the world has opposites.
A rabbi in Tzfat studying Kabbalah told me that if you can experience a certain amount of pain you can also experience that same amount of pleasure.
If you are in 99% pain then one day, you will be in 99% pleasure.
Don’t let the death of a loved one start the death of yourself. Let the death of a loved one start the discovery of yourself.
With much love and peace, Chelsey Grace Jacobs #W2W
#CGJDictionary
P.s. Dear Charlie,
I have certainly moved past the point of wanting to punch you in the face. I know you are doing amazing. I know you hang out with me as much as you can. I know you’re a voice in my head. I know you see me writing this right now. So, hi. I want to tell you that I love you so dearly and I can’t thank you enough for coming into my life and teaching me lessons I will never forget. I can’t even imagine all the help and love you give me that I don’t see. Send me all the rainbows and lions there are in this world. Hold my hand while I stroll the streets of beautiful Florence and watch me use my own power to create anything I dream of. Rock on baby ❤
