A real-life angel
It is truly immaculate what advice can provide us when in moments of deep despair and hopelessness. Just a few simple words can turn our day, week, or month around. The advice we give or receive unites humanity and this radical thing called emotions. Emotions are like a rollercoaster. We can be up at one moment and down at the next. Emotions can be pleasureful or absolutely deteriorating. We all have emotions and a voice in our head that is constantly on and can never be turned off. But our mind is also a location with a billion neuro-pathways that make up what we feel, hear, touch, smell, and taste. Our mind is our world both literally and figurately. It is a world that can be loving or hateful, dark or bright, and fun or taunting; the choice is yours.
Hayley Evans, a bridge between the worlds, is a woman who saved my soul, to say the least. She is a seer, healer, teacher, and speaker who provides comfort to those who are in pain and do not have the slightest clue of which direction to move in. She is able to speak with ones who have passed and is so strikingly connected to her intuition. She is a queen who is very beautiful, wise, respectful, and downright the chilliest chick I have ever met. Hayley is able to provide a safe space for me that I didn’t know was possible. Any and every emotion I feel, I am comfortable enough to communicate that with her. Sometimes I confide in her more than I do in my mother and that speaks volumes.
We were introduced by one of my good school friends, Peyton. Peyton’s mother had spoken to Hayley for some time and I heard through the grapevine that her advice and outlook on life was like none else. When Hayley and I connected for the first time it was only a few days after my boyfriend had left this world. If I could go back into the specific moment where she gently shifted my perspective on the traumatic suicidal event that I lived through, many would have been crying with me. She was able to provide this unimaginable perspective about the event I endured in the most beautiful and profound way. She pushed me to grieve in a positive way, look at this gnarly situation in a more positive way, and look at myself in a more positive way. Charlie taught me a ton, but Hayley has continued the line of affirmative information that Charlie could not finish.
It is the words as simple as “You are worthy of all the love in the world” and “He didn’t leave to hurt you but to show you all the possibilities in the world” that made me internalize the situation differently. Through months of tears and pain, she was the one I could count on during my scariest times of grief. She helped me believe I am so protected and loved, more than I can ever imagine or ever dream to see. My nightmares were cured by her words that angels were watching me. My PTSD was cured by her words that everything is happening for a reason. My life has been saved because of her words that taught me how I am the one still living, still making an impact, still breathing, and navigating that inner captain of my soul.
At one of our first sessions, she told me Charlie would come to me in pops of color, like rainbows. Whenever I felt a burst of color go off in my head, it would indicate Charlie is near me. It is not that I didn’t believe her, but I definitely needed concrete proof that matches this “rainbow” idealization. Minutes after we hung up, my best friend Roxie dropped off a gift for me. When I opened it, I was absolutely floored. It was one of those eternal roses and yes, it was a rainbow. I was shocked and felt this explosive pop of color go off in my head. I knew within my heart and soul that Charlie is really here with me, and surely enough, that Hayley was right. Since then, I see rainbows in everything I do. They find me everywhere I go. At this point, I am a walking rainbow. On the day Charlie was supposed to graduate there was a gigantic rainbow that covered the sky of the stadium. Someone sent me a photo with the caption “there he is.” Not only do I believe he is a rainbow, but others around me know he is a rainbow. It could not be more fitting that Charlie is the rainbow to our world.
Hayley and I have gotten to the point that I am not just a client to her. I am a true friend and a powerful force of light who is believing in more than we can see. It is comical how many people I have shared her information with. From family members, close friends, or strangers I meet on the street, the conversation always leads to Hayley. I am not embarrassed whatsoever that I sometimes need additional help in my day-to-day life to get me through the issues in my world. I share her information because I do not want others to be embarrassed by getting help either. As a whole, society has made help seem like desperation. Getting help doesn’t mean you’re desperate. It means you acknowledge and feel your pain which is a beautiful thing. Sometimes you just need a good ol’ friend to help you move in the direction you couldn’t see before.
When I think of those scary times, I am reminded of this angel that will always be there for me. I am excited to see where her life takes her, but she is even more excited for me. She sees my inner and outer beauty and the impact I will make on this world. Without her, I would be confused, really confused. The help of breaking down and compartmentalizing what is my soul versus my ego is something I will never be able to pay her back for in this lifetime. Thank you, Hayley Evans, for helping me realize all the unconditional beauty and love there is in this world.
Xoxo, Chelsey Grace Jacobs #W2W
#CGJDictionary
